Paul (deenial) wrote,
Paul
deenial

update monkey

It's been quite a while since I updated really...

Ong Bak is fantastic, a truly stunning film that treats you to a thoroughly brutal display of what the body is capable of. I only managed to see it twice before it disappeared, but it's a safe bet I'll get it on DVD release.

The Saturday after Ong Bak, Mum and I took Katie to the Science Museum in London. She seemed to enjoy it, although she avoided the sections I'd want to go in, like space and flight, instead going for medicine and material. By the afternoon she was starting to flag, and we were all grateful to get home in the end. However, there were 2 highlights: 1. the IMAX cinema, that was a very impressive piece of kit and 2. Lunch. Now, I could have slapped the maitre'd or who ever she thought she was. I truly honestly didn't see the queue, and when it was pointed out, I didn't put up any fuss, just went to the back. But this snotty bitch acted like her shit don't stink. Sorry dear, you work in a café in the Science Museum, and probably earn half about what I do. Get the stick out your arse. But I was determined to eat there, simply because the tables had lights in them! It was like eating in the Mos Eisley cantina!

The work week that followed was the same dull crap, just quite a lot of dull crap to get through (hardly thrilling, but it does help the days go faster), and then Thursday FINALLY arrived. I only just made it to the cinema on time, trying to get into Milton keynes during the rush hour is not something I'd like to do again. Luckily there were still a fair few good spots left, so I settled in and watched. And I really enjoyed it. If you have to ask what, you have no idea who I am.

Friday was a bit of a non-event, I skanked out of work early to get home, then to Millbrook to catch the train down to Brighton to visit ocaeron, and to wipe the floor with all comers on Halo 2. It's quite frustrating, as one of the participants, Amy, well I like her quite a lot... and she thinks I'm very funny, a lot like some other friends, which is a good thing.. I just have no idea what to do, what it all means. Dammit!

Any way, back on Saturday, then down the road on Sunday for Chris' 60th. It was alright to begin with, but then our faction started to flag, as there was some one missing. It's hard to be genuinely happy when that's on your mind.

Another bland week of work, and another ay off! Thursday night I headed down to Brighton again, arriving in thick fog. I stayed and Andy (and Jen's) this time, more room to sleep, 100% less dog to bother me. Friday I went round a few agencies to get my cv on the circuit, but quickly became discouraged when only one even took it. No one seems to want to help unless you've moved, or have a moving date. I need the job before I can make the move. So I'm trying to work out what to do now. Instead of beating a dead horse, Lee and I just went to see Star Wars again. Theevening was spent in a rather pointless rp session. Saturday was spent mooching around, and not going to a barbeque that was being organised by people we didn't know (I was relieved when Andy suggested we didn't go). And Sunday, I headed home. Yesterday was spent playing WoW mostly, with a quick trip into Bedford to swap Katie's birthday present for one that wasn't cracked, and Mum went away with Chris and Rose for the night. I stayed up past 2, something I'll come to regret in the week.. some times I just lose it I guess.

My knee is playing up badly, and I'm having to seriously consider whether it's in my best interests to continue with kung fu.

So last Tuesday. It was 3 months. It's just bizarre.. it seems like no time at all, and a life time. Karen came over at about 8 or so, Mum was busy with Bev, researching a trip to Milan, so Karen came straight up to my room, and just broke down. I knew it was coming, I've been expecting it since the day itself. She's been feeling guilty that she wasn't there when he died. I knew this was the price we would pay, even as she left that morning. I really really don't hold it against her, truly and honestly. She couldn't have handled it, and it was already bad enough without her panic attacks. So I told her what happened, what he'd looked like when he died, what he sounded like... after a while, Mum managed to get rid of Bev, she knew something was up... Karen had come straight up, shut my door, and been there for a very long time. There were tears, a few laughs... we've provisionally booked another session for the 6 month marker, August 24th. The day before my birthday.

Every time I start to fel like I'm making some sense of it all, I realise that nothing could be further from the truth. I feel like I'm drifting away from old friends, and this time there's no denying it's down to me. But I can't make head nor tail of anything any more, I don't know what to do, and I don't know why I seem incapable of doing the things I know I should.

Why us?
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